Month: July 2023

I’m trying to chill but it’s hard to chill when you’re wondering what dinner will be, when it will be…

…and if any tasty snacks will be provided in the interim to tide you over.

—Cosmo

Excuse you!

I’m not a Shop Cat. I’m THE Shop Cat…

…in addition to being the QUEEN.

—The Queen, Guest Contributor

We Stair Toll Collectors sometimes decline to collect the toll…

…and just block access to the stairs for the Cat of it.

—Amber

No one ever uses the smallest Cat Tree in the penthouse.

I’m finding it provides a satisfactory perch for brooding.

—Darth Vader

I was enjoying a balmy breeze from the open window when Human Mommy closed the window and turned the AC on high, thus disrupting my liquefaction process.

I am peeved. This is most inconvenient.

—Lily

Humans have some nonsensical sayings like “you snooze, you lose.”

I have never lost anything through snoozing, not even control of the ‘Nip filled trout.

—Amber

Due to the extreme heat, the magnificent House Panther is about to melt.

Before I liquefy, though, I will employ my yellow, laser-equipped eyes to judge my Humans.

Pointedly.

—Darth Vader

I’m celebrating the 4th with a late afternoon nap on fresh, cool sheets.

Instead of setting off those dreadful fireworks that boom, bang, pop, and thus disrupt countless snoozes, why don’t you Humans try celebrating the 4th in a similar way?

I’d sure appreciate it.

—Sunny

In honor of the 4th of July, the Stair Toll is payable ONLY in Tummy Rubs.

Why, you ask?

Because Tummy Rubs inevitably result in the deployment of our Murder Mittens…

…and we Toll Collectors are feeling rightly annoyed by the continuous barrage of bangs, pops, and booms with which you Humans celebrate this Cat-forsaken holiday!

—Lily

Human Daddy tried to take a picture of Human Mommy.

But, really, the focus is on me, as it should be.

—Darth Vader