Sometimes the Humans put out an unusually nice spread for you, the Cats.
Guacamole flavored chips, who knew?
Sure, Kitties, Humans are there to serve us. We all know that.
Still, you can demonstrate your magnamity by lending a helping paw when the Humans try, ineffectually, to perform routine household tasks, like changing the sheets on our bed.
Silly Humans! How on earth do they expect us Kitties to sleep soundly and awaken refreshed without a fine sheen of feline fur on our sheets?
Why can’t you just lick yourself clean like we Cats do, Human Mommy? You may not realize it, given the inferiority of your nose, but you smell weird every time you get out of the shower, like chlorine and plastic and false botanical notes.
You no longer smell like your shoes.
You no longer smell like you.
Go away. I had a raucous Friday night of catnip and carousing and, allegedly, Silvervine, although I can’t really remember that part all that well, or if I’m being honest, any of the parts of last night except for the part where I threw up in your shoe.
Sorry about that, but let’s be honest, you earned it by awakening me this painfully bright Saturday morning.