How does the trick-or-treat thing work, Humans? Do I need to do a trick like paw-shake or high-paw? Do you want to smell my feet?
Seriously, I don’t care about the costumes. I just want to maximize my TREATS.
–Cosmo
Training
It’s cute when the Humans try to train your Woofies.
Keep a sharp eye out, though. You don’t want the Humans undoing your hard work.
–Quicksilver
Dishwasher
Hate to break it to you Humans, but your dishwasher is basic, low-end, cheapo.
To get the dishes really clean, allow your Cats to lick up the delectable bits from pots and plates and cutlery.
–Quicksilver
High Maintenance
Ladies, don’t let the Boy Cats rush you when you are getting ready for a Friday night out on the town. It takes time to look this good. There’s nothing wrong with being high maintenance.
–Lily
Black Cat Day
Happy Black Cat Day!
Don’t feel bad if an enormous Woofie photo-bombed you on your special day.
Keep your cool and your glamour shot will turn into an awesome action shot.
–Darth Vader
Work
If you knew how to relax even half this well, Humans, your job could be relaxation instead of actual work.
–Finnegan and Phelps
Privacy?
You want privacy in the bathroom, Humans? Why?
If you insist, I’ll run your request by the 6 other resident Cats, but don’t expect a speedy response or, if we’re being honest, any response at all, as the Cat Co-op board has many weightier matters to consider at our next meeting such as the largest Woofie, the second largest Woofie and their combined impact on our HOA fees.
In the meantime, please turn on my drippy faucet of youth.
None of us are getting any younger here.
–Charlie
Monday again
Monday has happened again, Humans. Judging by your outfit and your impractical, professional heels, we assume that you are heading out to the mysterious place you call work.
Good luck not tripping over us on your way downstairs.
Maybe you should lose the heels until you’ve had your coffee. Just saying…
–Lily and Amber
Inventory
When Human Daddy returns from the market, it is essential to inventory his purchases immediately.
If you don’t know what he got, how will you know what to beg for?
–Quicksilver and Cosmo
Cheat Day
Saturday night carryout? Don’t mind if I do.
Even the most dedicated dieters deserve a cheat day.
–Amber
Daily Feline Wisdom 