Cold Tail

Yes, I realize you are right behind me, Human Mommy. 

No, I will not acknowledge your presence.

No, you may not stroke me.

What did you expect?

You abandoned us for as many days as I have paws.

Cold Tail will continue at least until you have learned your lesson, groveled sufficiently, and paid us off with generous quantities of wet food (gravy-style, not pate), tuna (packed in water, not oil) and catnip (the fancy, organic kind, not the dessicated rotgut you pick up at the local supermarket.)

Then we’ll see.

–Darth Vader et al

New Couch

Thank you, Humans, for installing this new couch in our private, members-only Cat club, sometimes erroneously referred to as a front porch.

What’s that, Humans? You want to sit on our couch?

No, you may not.

First, you are not members, membership is by invitation only and, even if we were to invite you, the club fees amount to more cans of tuna than you can afford.

Second, the only remaining cushion is reserved for our esteemed club member Quicksilver.

–Phelps and Darth


Sometimes Humans say nonsensical things. For example, Human Mommy just called us a pair of lovebugs. We understand “pair” and we understand “love,” but what about us is bug-like?

–Cosmo and Stella 

Well, for one thing, Woofies, you “bug” me all the time, especially you, Cosmo, especially you.


Second Chances

What do you mean we’re out of treats?

You’re fired!

What are you doing with your opposable thumbs?  Are you opening cans of stinky, gravy, meaty goodness out of guilt? 

We may have jumped the gun. We love you, Humans, especially your thumbs.

You may stay on, on probation.

–Charlie, Luna, Lily and Amber