Why are you leaving us over the weekend, Human Mommy?
Are you mad because I removed a couple of ornaments from our Dogsmas tree?
–Xena
Turndown Service
Be sure to place a fresh sprig of Catnip on my pillow as part of the turndown service, Humans.
Sometimes you forget.
–Darth Vader
Ignoring you
Yet another unauthorized trip, Human Mommy?
I’m starting to ignore you…
…preemptively.
–Amber
Apologies
I won’t say “no” to a lap cuddle.
I’ll accept a head skritch.
Still, you’re not forgiven for abandoning me for a day.
Food? Double my daily ration?
I may forgive you someday.
Someday is not soon.
–Orzo, Guest Contributor
Cold Tail
Yes, I realize you are right behind me, Human Mommy.
No, I will not acknowledge your presence.
No, you may not stroke me.
What did you expect?
You abandoned us for as many days as I have paws.
Cold Tail will continue at least until you have learned your lesson, groveled sufficiently, and paid us off with generous quantities of wet food (gravy-style, not pate), tuna (packed in water, not oil) and catnip (the fancy, organic kind, not the dessicated rotgut you pick up at the local supermarket.)
Then we’ll see.
–Darth Vader et al
Welcome Home
Welcome home, Human Mommy.
We Cats will start ignoring you now, but more pointedly than usual. Such is the nature of sanctions.
–Quicksilver
Sanctions
So, Human Mommy, you traveled despite our newly enacted travel ban.
There will be sanctions.
–Lily and Luna
Travel Ban
What’s that, Human Mommy? You are abandoning us Cats over the holiday weekend?
No, no you are not. We do not allow it.
We hereby institute a travel ban.
–Luna
What is this?
What is this? Is this a suitcase? Are you going somewhere without us?
Prepare for cold tail upon your return.
–Lily, Charlie and Amber
AbandonmentÂ
When your Human Mommy abandons you, it is helpful to know how many days she will be gone in order to mete out her punishment upon her return. You can sniff her carryon, count her socks, or simply hack her smartphone to extract her itinerary.
–Amber
