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The perfect curl is equal parts art and science…

…and requires years of practice to execute.

—Phelps

What’s that, Human Mommy? You want to check something on your work computer on the weekend?

No.

—Amber

What do you mean I seem different from the other stones, Birdies?

Are you guys geologists now?

—Luna

What are you doing, Human Mommy? Are you getting up to get lunch?

It’s not even noon! Your behavior is utterly unacceptable and I’m going to have to write you up.

Unless your fetching lunch for your manager.

In that case, I’ll take my usual tuna sandwich, hold the bread, condiments, and lettuce.

—Amber

Last night was just terrible with the lightening and constant booms of thunder.

I’m going to require a long period of both physical and psychological recuperation next to my beloved Stella.

—Sunny

Human Mommy made a delicious-smelling quiche but told me I couldn’t have a slice because it contains ingredients that aren’t good for Doggoes.

Why did you use such ingredients, Human Mommy?

And on my birthday, no less!

—Cosmo

Yes, I know I’m unbelievably handsome. How could I not?

Still, your lack of restraint in taking my photo is becoming tiresome, Human Mommy.

As I keep explaining, cave time is my private time.

—Finnegan

If you don’t spend some of your weekend as a loaf…

…you are not doing it right.

—Lily

Empresses outrank queens. This is a well known fact.

This is why the Tortie Empress lounges upon the superior window seat while the Tiger Queen is relegated to the much inferior printer for her afternoon snooze.

—Amber

I’m happy that my Human brought me City Barbecue…

…but I’ll be absolutely ecstatic once she dispenses the brisket from the bag.

—Louie, Senior Lap Muffin Correspondent