Daily Feline Wisdom

Know what would make that last, delicious bite of meatloaf taste even better, Human Daddy?

Sharing.

—Cosmo

If I can’t go outside, you can’t go downstairs, Human Mommy.

Rules are rules.

—Luna

My Human Mommy procured this Cat-sized couch for me when she replaced my old, beloved full-size couch with a newer model, which understandably upset me greatly as I had not authorized such a radical change to my environment.

After nearly a month of ignoring its existence, I have decided that I quite like my new Cat-size couch.

The new full-size couch continues to disappoint, a fact that I mention to my Human Mommy frequently.

—Louie, Senior Lap Muffin Correspondent

No, I’m not working out yet, Human Mommy. Can’t you see that I’m still awake?

Nap cycling only works asleep.

—Lily

Feeling anti-social?

Curl up tight and refuse to interact.

—Amber

It’s critical to grab a spot in line early…

…since there’s always a dinner rush.

—Sunny, et al

Is your most lackluster employee performing even less lustrously than usual? Time for a performance review.

Digging in your claws is optional but highly recommended.

—Amber

Why am I glaring at you, Human Mommy?

The fact that you have to ask…

…only displeases me further.

—Amber

Tiger Queen, we must order Human Daddy to remove this AC unit from our window immediately as it impedes our Birdie TV screen.

Quite so, Tortie Empress. Human Mommy says they still need the AC as it remains unseasonably hot, but our needs obviously supersede theirs.

—Amber and Lily

Here I am, Birdies, a small, grey, unobtrusive stone!

As I am both unobtrusive and partially camouflaged behind these vines, it’s a bit difficult to find me, but I promise you that I’m worth the effort as I make for a most excellent Birdie perch!

—Luna