Daily Feline Wisdom

Due to the extreme heat, the magnificent House Panther is about to melt.

Before I liquefy, though, I will employ my yellow, laser-equipped eyes to judge my Humans.

Pointedly.

—Darth Vader

I’m celebrating the 4th with a late afternoon nap on fresh, cool sheets.

Instead of setting off those dreadful fireworks that boom, bang, pop, and thus disrupt countless snoozes, why don’t you Humans try celebrating the 4th in a similar way?

I’d sure appreciate it.

—Sunny

In honor of the 4th of July, the Stair Toll is payable ONLY in Tummy Rubs.

Why, you ask?

Because Tummy Rubs inevitably result in the deployment of our Murder Mittens…

…and we Toll Collectors are feeling rightly annoyed by the continuous barrage of bangs, pops, and booms with which you Humans celebrate this Cat-forsaken holiday!

—Lily

Human Daddy tried to take a picture of Human Mommy.

But, really, the focus is on me, as it should be.

—Darth Vader

Lunch happened yesterday, but it is almost too late for lunch today and Human Daddy has made no move towards the kitchen.

We will have to console ourselves with the fond memory of yesterday.

And hope for High Tea.

—Cosmo, Xena, and Sunny

Happy 4th of July Weekend, Humans! Enjoy yourselves, but not too much.

In particular, refrain from setting off fireworks.

The Tortie Empress values her nap time.

Don’t make me deploy my Murder Mittens.

—Amber

I’m still right about this and…

…my front paws are enjoying a refreshing soak.

—Finnegan

Human Mommy, why are you once again taking photos of a grey, highly unobtrusive stone, and thereby peeking the Birdies’ worst suspicions?

This is a Cat blog, not a geological blog.

No one is interested in stones, except hopefully the plump, playful Birdies who will recognize me as an irresistible perch.

—Luna

Oh, look, Darth! Our waiter has finally arrived.

Shall I order a ‘Niptini for you or are you more in the mood for a Meowjito?

—Phelps

Not to criticize the other Guard Dogs…

…but…

…sometimes I feel like I’m the only one…

…who takes this guarding gig seriously.

—Xena