When your Human Mommy returns from an unauthorized trip, a thorough inspection of her bag is de rigueur.
Hmmm… No traces of Apology Catnip, nor evidence of Bribery Treats, and we know from experience that tuna cans can’t make it through the airport metal detectors.
I am most disappointed with you, Human Mommy.
—Lily
When you love somebody, it’s important to show them that you care.
Romantic gestures like paw-holding mean a lot.
—Darth Vader
People are always snapping your photo when you are indescribably gorgeous, long-whiskered, and silken-furred like me.
Just go with it. Humans can’t help themselves.
—Sherman, Guest Contributor
This is a most comfortable, cozy new heating pad for me.
Pity it smells of Woofie.
—Phelps
This new, cushy heating pad…
…is a bit of all right.
—Xena
When Human Mommy abandons us inexplicably, inexcusably, and without proper travel authorization…
…the heads of state of the Feline Empire and Dog Nation hold an emergency summit on the Sleeping Cloud to discuss appropriate sanctions.
—Tortie Empress Amber and Madame President Stella
What a handsome chest, Human Mommy!
I must admit that I was a getting a bit bored with my habitual pied-à-terre in the linen closet.
Now, please hurry up and line my new residence with freshly laundered sheets and towels upon which I will deposit my glorious fur in gratitude.
—Louie, Senior Lap Muffin Correspondent
Is your Human Mommy attempting to clean out her closet?
There’s not much you can do except to be supportive and offer to re-home any old shoes she’d otherwise pitch.
—Cosmo
Of course, I trust Human Daddy to set and light my delightful, crackly fires.
Still, supervision is required.
—Phelps
Excuse the interruption, Humans, but I have an urgent request.
The request is for food.
—Cosmo
Daily Feline Wisdom 