Sometimes* cats need cat time, no puppies** involved.
–Phelps and Charlie
*“Sometimes” sometimes means “at all times,” depending on the context.
**If puppies are the context, “sometimes” means “at all times, forever and ever and EVER.”
Springtime
Springtime means muddy paw prints on a wooden boardwalk.
–Cosmo
Find your oasis
Find your oasis and visit it frequently.
–Lily
Charming Efforts
Praise your Human Mommy for picking out blazers that go with your glistening, tortoise-shell fur. Admittedly, your Human Mommy will never be as pretty as you are, but she’s charming for imitating you, as best she can.
–Amber
Alternative Hydration Sources
Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it.
–Finnegan
The Morning Opera
The Morning Opera of Starvation is most effective with a large cast of cats. So long as the chorus can pick up the melody, the mezzo-soprano can abandon her aria by flopping on the floor and grooming her whiskers, as divas do.
Humans are not discerning. Keep the volume up and you’re sure to get the wet food for which you sing.
–Phelps, Quicksilver, Lily, and Darth Vader
Late Bloomers
It takes time for lions to grow into their paws. Don’t worry if you grow slower than the Woofies. You’ll get there and when you do, you’ll be magnificent.
–Finnegan
Snooze Button
Humans hit the snooze button again and again as if to ask permission for another 40, 30, 20 winks.
Humans, liberate yourselves from your electronic roosters!
We Cats hear the bleeping alarm more clearly than you ever will, given your inferior ears, yet we do not budge.
We Cats embrace the sanctity of sleep.
We hear your Smartphone chimes and whistles and beeps and unfortunate musical selections and ignore them all.
Enlightened Humans, though few and far between, understand that they need only wake up to serve their Cats.
Don’t worry, Humans–we will wake you when we want you.
–Quicksilver
Good Girl
Practice basic puppy commands regularly. When she sits, purr “good girl” and retract your claws slightly, so that only the glass-etching points remain, half-camouflaged beneath your paw fur.
She’s a good girl.
She’ll learn.
–Lily, Finnegan, and Amber
Don’t be intimidated…
Don’t be intimidated even if the Woofie’s head and neck appear larger than your entire body.
–Amber
Daily Feline Wisdom 