It’s hard when the stripey, gray object of your affection is out of reach.
She’s not physically out of reach, of course, as you could easily stretch out an enormous paw to caress her whiskers or, if you’re feeling bold, sit up on your hind paws and sink your great muzzle into her velvety flank to breath in a draught of kitten perfume.
“NO Cosmo! DOWN!” the Humans will cry.
“HISSSSSS!” your beloved will screech, while somehow simultaneously reminding you of the restraining order she has taken out against you in the most intimidatingly legalistic terms she can muster.
Who knows? You may even get a bloody nose. You’ll probably get a bloody nose. Kitten claws are sharp and you saw your dearest filing hers assiduously on the remains of the living room furniture just prior to claiming her current spot.
Sometimes it is best to love from afar.
Sometimes your girlfriend will ask you a tricky question like “How do my feet smell?”
There is only one right answer to this question.
Tell her that her feet smell lovely.
A good boyfriend leaves his lady the whole dog bed, all the chew toys, and even offers up his paw as a pillow while she’s recuperating from knee surgery.
Of course, if she invites you up, don’t refuse. That would be unchivalrous.
Sometimes, your girlfriend will ask you tricky questions like “Do I look good in my new collar?” Don’t just bark out the first thing that pops into your head. For example, don’t tell her that she makes for a pretty lamp. Don’t tell her that she could probably tap into some satellite radio stations if she tilts her head just so. Take your time. Think it through. Chew on a bone if necessary to buy time.
This is a tricky question and how you answer it will determine how your girlfriend treats you for the rest of the day if not longer.
Kiss your beloved as often as you can. There’s no such thing as too many kisses.