If your Humans insist on assembling the new futon because two of the three of you allegedly ate the couch, don’t stand in their way. Futons can be surprisingly comfortable.
Got the munchies? Check out the contents of your fridge before ordering delivery.
Delivery takes up to an hour, there might be something equally delicious in your fridge already, and sooner or later your Humans may figure out you hacked their OrderUp and GrubHub accounts.
Sometimes* cats need cat time, no puppies** involved.
–Phelps and Charlie
*“Sometimes” sometimes means “at all times,” depending on the context. **If puppies are the context, “sometimes” means “at all times, forever and ever and EVER.”
Practice basic puppy commands regularly. When she sits, purr “good girl” and retract your claws slightly, so that only the glass-etching points remain, half-camouflaged beneath your paw fur.