Humans need to read the kibble ingredient list very carefully.
We Cats eat cat kibble.
The Woofies eat dog kibble.
We Cats are a proper size.
The Woofies have grown to the size of small Horses.
Pay closer attention to the dog kibble additives, Humans.
Seriously, how big do you want the Woofies to get?!
–Darth Vader
Do not let your Humans become materialistic by purchasing the same materials over and over again.
Tell them you won’t chew the new futon mattress they purchased to replace the inexplicably damaged futon mattress they purchased to replace the couch you allegedly ate.
It’s for your Humans’ own good and the good of their wallets and thus the good of your treat supply, even if it’s not 100% true.
–Cosmo and Stella
Sometimes* cats need cat time, no puppies** involved.
–Phelps and Charlie
*“Sometimes” sometimes means “at all times,” depending on the context.
**If puppies are the context, “sometimes” means “at all times, forever and ever and EVER.”
Springtime means muddy paw prints on a wooden boardwalk.
–Cosmo
Don’t be intimidated even if the Woofie’s head and neck appear larger than your entire body.
–Amber
Puppies get big way too fast.
That’s why it’s so important to hiss and growl and swat at them when they are still small enough to internalize a lifelong fear of cats.
–Darth Vader
Frustrated? Bored? Chew on something. It will make you feel better.
–Cosmo
When the woofies get on your nerves, remember that they come with some nice accessories, like the huge new bed.
–Darth Vader
You know you’re a tough guy when you can handle a sleeping, slobbery woofie on your back paws for 30 seconds.
Do it for more than half a minute and you’re no longer tough; you’re insane.
–Darth Vader
If you share your home with multiple kitties and woofies, establish a timeshare. For example, the woofies can have the grey bed at night, but it belongs to the kitties during the day.
If the kitties feel compelled to spray the bed with their personal odor, the woofies must understand that this is covered by the security deposit.
If the woofies do anything similar, the timeshare will terminate then and there and the kitties will claim the dogs’ security deposit of bones and kibble and other sundries and will probably pursue them for damages not to exceed first access to the couch and/or bay window forever and ever and ever.
Them’s the rules, pups.
–Quicksilver
Daily Feline Wisdom 