Puppies get big way too fast.
That’s why it’s so important to hiss and growl and swat at them when they are still small enough to internalize a lifelong fear of cats.
–Darth Vader
Humans lie
Humans lie. They lie a lot. They will tell you that going to the doctor is “good” for you, that it won’t take long, and that it won’t hurt. Lies, lies, LIES…
Forgiveness can be purchased only with honest tuna, paid up front upon your return home, with interest due to the emotional distress you suffered when you were shoved into a rigid, coffin-like carrier and taken, against your will and despite your protests, to the vet for needless tests and multiple pokes, even though you feel just bloody fine.
Hiss…
It takes a lot of tuna to forgive a liar.
–Charlie
Aim Higher
Never settle. Always aim higher.
–Amber
The Right Size
Bouquets should be proportional to the areas they adorn.
Too big or too small throws off the feng shui.
–Quicksilver
Home Theaters
Depending on your cable or satellite service, you may no longer require a DVD or Blu-ray player to get the best in home entertainment.
Replace the old, clunky players with a modern, sleek Catbox.
He may not play anything, per se, but his glare will let you know that what you’re watching isn’t cool.
–Darth Vader
Purse Strings
Take control of the purse strings if you find yourself running low on treats, catnip and/or sundry mouse toys.
If your Humans shop online, all the better.
Their passwords are one of your names. Guaranteed.
–Finnegan
Good Looks
Good looks make everything better. For example, when you are waiting an inordinately long time for your Humans to twist open the faucet of youth, you can check yourself out in the bathroom mirror and think “yeah, I’ve still got it.”
–Charlie
Flaneurs
It is boring to eat and drink the same things in the same place with the same cats every day. Stroll about in the fine Spring weather to find new tastes, new experiences, and new cat ladies to court on cedar decks, equipped with offerings of fine pate and fresh water.
–Phelps and Quicksilver
Posing for the Paparazzi
If you find yourself in a household with cat-crazy, cellphone – wielding Humans, it is important to know how to pose nonchalantly for the thousands of photos they will take of you, the Cat Celebrities. For example, crossing your front paws takes a classic Sphinx position to a whole new level of glamour and elegance.
–Darth Vader
Saturday Morning
If tuna, bacon and/or creme fraiche are not involved, don’t bother waking a pretty lady on a lazy Saturday morning.
–Lily
Daily Feline and Canine Wisdom 