We Cats are the Head Chefs in our households.
You Humans can rise no higher than the rank of Sous Chef, at best.
No garlic, no onions, no seasonings at all, save a dash of sea salt to our taste, not yours.
The Human palate is not sufficiently refined to judge seasonings.
On second thought, don’t bother with the cooking.
Present our food raw but at room temperature.
A Great Chef lets the meat sing for itself.
–Quicksilver
Don’t be disappointed when Human Daddy brings you to the mysterious place he calls “work.”
It’s less exciting than you imagined but it’s still the best place in the whole wide world because you’re there with your Daddy.
–Cosmo and Stella
Are your Humans hitting the vino kind of hard while watching the election returns tonight?
Remind them that it’s a work night, but don’t judge them too harshly, so long as they pour you a tunatini, a niparita, a Catmopolitan or the cocktail of your choice.
Elections are stressful for all of us.
–Amber
Puppy Princesses need their beauty sleep. So do Cat Queens.
Nothing prevents us from napping together once and awhile.
We’re all royalty, after all.
–Stella and Amber
You know you have trained your Woofies well when you can bask comfortably on your front walkway on an unseasonably warm day without the slightest fear of unwanted sniffs.
–Quicksilver
Are your Humans trying to enforce an unreasonable rule* like “no furry children in the bedroom while the Humans are away at the mysterious place they call ‘work’?”
Time to deploy the Puppy Eyes and a grand Puppy Yawn.
–Stella and Cosmo
*This rule is obviously unreasonable because we have nothing good to lounge on in our living room given that we have eaten all of our futon mattresses, our couch, a comfy side chair and a footrest.
Relax, cross your front paws, look at the cell phone as if you don’t care how the photo turns out.
Nothing is cooler than nonchalance.
–Darth Vader
A great guard Cat can be sweet and tough simultaneously. For example, you can bestow a lap cuddle on a deserving Human while training your steely, intimidating gaze on the perimeter of the fort.
–Phelps
It’s nice to have a nickname. For example, my Humans sometimes call me “Mr. Spaghetti Legs.”
–Finnegan
Humans, dinner time is upon us. What is this? Is this a leaf?
What part of “obligate carnivore” did you not understand?
–Phelps and Quicksilver
Daily Feline Wisdom 