You know what’s bummier than a bum knee? Going to two vets in two days time to get their individual opinions regarding the level of bumminess of your bum knee.
You know what’s bummiest of all? The waiting, paws down, the waiting.
–Stella
Milk It
Did you dislocate your right knee by running into your front fence when attempting to scare off an unknown Dog who was marking the hill below your fence as if he didn’t understand property law?
Ouch… That really hurt.
Let your Humans figure out the finances of knee surgery.
You just need to milk it.
–Stella
A Proper Throne
Every Princess needs a throne. The spider plant works well for me as it is quite comfortable and I can nibble on the foliage when I feel peckish.
–Luna
Hair of the Dog
Did you think you could participate in the Meowies’ Friday Night Catnip-fueled celebration because you are much bigger than the Meowies and therefore should have a much higher capacity for the ‘nip?
That was a mistake.
There are not enough hairs on your whole body to make up for last night’s miscalculation.
–Cosmo
Girl Fight
Are the two youngest Cat girls practicing for their MMA (Martial Meowy Arts) debut? Enjoy the view, but stay out of their way, far out of their way.
–Charlie
Secrets
Got a secret? Don’t go barking it all around town–whisper it in a good friend’s ear.
If your friend is a Human, you may have to whisper pretty loud as Human ears are not as good as Dog ears.
–Stella
Recipes
Homemade Woofie Food you say, Humans, with organic chicken, celery, carrot and brown rice? Are you certain you followed the recipe correctly? It sure smells like Kitten Food to me.
Yup, definitely Kitten Food. Don’t mind if I do!
–Luna
No need to cook
Humans, don’t feel obliged to boil that lovely chicken on my account. Just remove the plastic and place the bird on the floor. I’ll serve myself–no problem.
–Charlie
Teachers
Good teachers must keep tabs on their pupils’ progress in order to identify their strengths, weaknesses, and set reasonable learning objectives.
For example, here is the Rookie Kitten’s interim progress report:
Paw-to-Paw Combat: Above Average
Sneak Pounce Attacks: Excellent (maybe too excellent)
Growth Rate and Energy Levels: Off the Charts
Facing the Right Way on the Treadmill: Needs Improvement
Objective: Teach Rookie Kitten to face the right way on the treadmill. Turn the treadmill on HIGH. Take a well deserved nap.
Oh boy, I’ve got my paws full with this one.
–Drill Master Phelps
Removing Decorations
Don’t feel lazy, Humans! You were right not to dismantle the Catsmas tree until every single Cat and Kitten got to play in it.
–Luna
Daily Feline and Canine Wisdom 