You know you have trained your Woofies well when you can bask comfortably on your front walkway on an unseasonably warm day without the slightest fear of unwanted sniffs.
–Quicksilver
Puppy Eyes
Are your Humans trying to enforce an unreasonable rule* like “no furry children in the bedroom while the Humans are away at the mysterious place they call ‘work’?”
Time to deploy the Puppy Eyes and a grand Puppy Yawn.
–Stella and Cosmo
*This rule is obviously unreasonable because we have nothing good to lounge on in our living room given that we have eaten all of our futon mattresses, our couch, a comfy side chair and a footrest.
Nonchalance
Relax, cross your front paws, look at the cell phone as if you don’t care how the photo turns out.
Nothing is cooler than nonchalance.
–Darth Vader
Sweet and Tough
A great guard Cat can be sweet and tough simultaneously. For example, you can bestow a lap cuddle on a deserving Human while training your steely, intimidating gaze on the perimeter of the fort.
–Phelps
Nicknames
It’s nice to have a nickname. For example, my Humans sometimes call me “Mr. Spaghetti Legs.”
–Finnegan
Obligate Carnivores
Humans, dinner time is upon us. What is this? Is this a leaf?
What part of “obligate carnivore” did you not understand?
–Phelps and Quicksilver
Trick-or-treat?
How does the trick-or-treat thing work, Humans? Do I need to do a trick like paw-shake or high-paw? Do you want to smell my feet?
Seriously, I don’t care about the costumes. I just want to maximize my TREATS.
–Cosmo
Training
It’s cute when the Humans try to train your Woofies.
Keep a sharp eye out, though. You don’t want the Humans undoing your hard work.
–Quicksilver
Dishwasher
Hate to break it to you Humans, but your dishwasher is basic, low-end, cheapo.
To get the dishes really clean, allow your Cats to lick up the delectable bits from pots and plates and cutlery.
–Quicksilver
High Maintenance
Ladies, don’t let the Boy Cats rush you when you are getting ready for a Friday night out on the town. It takes time to look this good. There’s nothing wrong with being high maintenance.
–Lily
Daily Feline and Canine Wisdom 