It’s not good to pass out at a bar, unless it’s a salad bar, in which case a snooze is acceptable so long as there aren’t any impatient Cats in line for the spider plant behind you.
–Lily
Tummy Rub
Don’t assume that a lady wants stroking just because she exposes her beautiful, caramel belly.
Be prepared for claws and possibly teeth if you move your hand any closer.
–Amber
Contentment
A good head skritch on top of a soft lap is pretty much the definition of contentment.
–Quicksilver
Run/Fly
Run.
Run as hard as you can.
When three of your four paws lift off the ground, you’ll fly.
–Cosmo
Best Naps
Fancy mattresses are nice, but nothing beats a rough stone pathway, warmed by the midday sun.
–Phelps and Quicksilver
King-size Bed
A king-size bed is almost adequate for a Queen.
Almost…
–Amber
Somebody has some explaining to do
Suppose your Humans bought a new, foam, king-sized mattress from Casper. Suppose your Human Daddy loves his new mattress so much that he has decreed no furry children should be allowed on top of it.
Now suppose your Human Mommy returns from work to find you and your Human Daddy in the position pictured above.
Somebody has some explaining to do.
–Amber
Grudges
Cats hold grudges. The Cats told us that as Human Mommy had abandoned us for 2.5 days we owed her 3 days of coldness, as Cats operate in whole numbers and always round up when punishment is involved.
We tried. We respect the Meowies and generally try to do what they suggest as we don’t want them to claw our eyes out.
But then we got marrow bones. We can only focus on a couple of things at once, at best, and marrow bones take up all of our concentration.
It’s impossible to hold a grudge when you’ve got a marrow bone.
–Stella and Cosmo
Half a Wish
It’s not the same as licking the water droplets out of the drippy faucet. Still, it’s better than nothing.
–Charlie
Abandonment
When your Human Mommy abandons you, it is helpful to know how many days she will be gone in order to mete out her punishment upon her return. You can sniff her carryon, count her socks, or simply hack her smartphone to extract her itinerary.
–Amber
Daily Feline and Canine Wisdom 