Nothing is as chic as an all-black outfit because black works with everything from light brown mulch, to deep green leaves, to the neon pink flowers placed ever so casually over your glossy flank.
–Darth Vader
You call that a scratching post?
Don’t get me wrong–those flimsy sisal scratching posts the Humans procure for us at the pet shop are nice and all.
But if you want a superior pawdicure, nothing beats raking your claws over the rough bark of a mature oak.
–Lily
Even more beautiful
Your next selfie can always be more beautiful than the last. Simply rotate your body, stretch out your front legs and stare at the camera as if to say “Selfies are done, but I still do them better than anyone else.”
–Amber
Take a Break
Even tough guys need to take a break sometimes, particularly after they’ve been taken unceremoniously and unjustly to the vet for a totally unnecessary “wellness exam.”
–Phelps
Unreasonable Rules
There is no good reason to follow unreasonable Rules, such as no Cats on the bed.
–Lily and Finnegan
Guarding the Fort
To maximize security, it is essential to have two Guard Cats on duty at any given time so that when one takes his nap break the other will remain vigilant to any and all threats to the Fort.
–Darth Vader and Phelps
Public Speaking
There’s nothing scary about public speaking. Know your message, put yourself up high so everyone can see you, and make sure that your audience is mostly awake, which is especially important if they are feline, as we tend to sleep a majority of our time and suffer fools not at all.
–Finnegan
Household Help
Cats, help your Humans out with the housework by cleaning delicious scraps off of the stove top.
–Quicksilver
Priorities
Unloading the dishwasher is all well and good but wouldn’t it be more productive to crack open a can or two or three of tuna for your beloved panther?
–Darth Vader
Creepy and creepier
Humans sometimes complain that it’s creepy to wake up in the wee hours of the night to a pair of yellow feline eyes staring at them intently.
That may be creepy, but you know what’s creepier, Humans? Having someone taking hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands of photos of you while you are innocently sleeping.
–Lily
Daily Feline and Canine Wisdom 