Homemade Woofie Food you say, Humans, with organic chicken, celery, carrot and brown rice? Are you certain you followed the recipe correctly? It sure smells like Kitten Food to me.
Yup, definitely Kitten Food. Don’t mind if I do!
–Luna
No need to cook
Humans, don’t feel obliged to boil that lovely chicken on my account. Just remove the plastic and place the bird on the floor. I’ll serve myself–no problem.
–Charlie
Teachers
Good teachers must keep tabs on their pupils’ progress in order to identify their strengths, weaknesses, and set reasonable learning objectives.
For example, here is the Rookie Kitten’s interim progress report:
Paw-to-Paw Combat: Above Average
Sneak Pounce Attacks: Excellent (maybe too excellent)
Growth Rate and Energy Levels: Off the Charts
Facing the Right Way on the Treadmill: Needs Improvement
Objective: Teach Rookie Kitten to face the right way on the treadmill. Turn the treadmill on HIGH. Take a well deserved nap.
Oh boy, I’ve got my paws full with this one.
–Drill Master Phelps
Removing Decorations
Don’t feel lazy, Humans! You were right not to dismantle the Catsmas tree until every single Cat and Kitten got to play in it.
–Luna
Hangover
Hit the ‘nip a little too hard last night? Accidentally start a brawl in the most popular Cat Bar in town, also known as the kitchen?
Nothing a 20-hour cat nap can’t cure.
–Quicksilver
Dark Clouds
Do you ever feel like there’s a black cloud hanging over your head?
Could be…
Or it could just be Uncle Darth lounging on the platform above you.
–Finnegan
What to do?
What’s a Jungle Kitten to do first? Swing from the vines, nibble on the spider plant or bat at the palm tree?
–Luna
Tidying up
It is acceptable to share a bed with the Woofies, but it would be even better if they thought to tidy up their bones and sundry chew toys before your arrival.
–Charlie and Quicksilver
Luxuriating
Don’t be jealous, Humans. Unless you are a silky, shiny House Panther, there’s no way you will ever be able to luxuriate this well.
Feel free to imitate me, though, to the best of your limited abilities.
–Darth Vader
Don’t be too nice…
Ladies, it’s easy to be too nice, too indirect, when trying to blow someone off. Eventually, you may just have to threaten the use of your claws.
Wait… He’s still here. What part of “I’m about to lacerate your nose” does he not understand?
–Luna
I think I’m growing on her. We’ll be besties in no time.
–Cosmo
Daily Feline and Canine Wisdom 