I would never dream of damaging the Catsmass Tree, Humans. Au contraire! I’m the official tree inspector.
–Amber
Cure for Insomnia
Are you having trouble falling asleep because you keep thinking about the wily squirrel that barely, just barely, got away from you?
Try imitating the nearest Meowie. Cats know the most comfortable sleeping positions–you’ll be out like a light in no time.
–Cosmo
Training
Treadmills are great for increasing the Rookie Kitten’s strength, speed and endurance.
Before you turn on the treadmill, make sure the Rookie Kitten is facing the right way.
–Drill Master Phelps
Bad Counters
Humans are bad at counting. For example, there are three of us here, but only two bones.
Oh well… I suppose the Woofies will have to share the smaller bone.
–Quicksilver
New Recruit
When sizing up new recruits to the Guard Cat Academy, it’s important to assess their physical size, but even more important to measure the size of their personality.
Oh boy… I’ve got my paws full with this one.
–Phelps
Top Drawer
For a relaxing nap, nothing beats the top drawer but any drawer will do in a pinch.
–Lily
Early Dogsmas
Thank you for our early Dogsmas gift, Santa Claws! This new bed is much more comfortable than the cold, hard floor.
We promise we won’t gnaw through it to pull out its delectable stuffing until next year at the earliest.
–Cosmo and Stella
What is this?
What is this? Is this a suitcase? Are you going somewhere without us?
Prepare for cold tail upon your return.
–Lily, Charlie and Amber
The Finest
A finer specimen than me there’s never been nor ever will be.
–Darth Vader
Correction
Dear Santa Claws,
I hope there is still time to make a correction to my Catsmas list! I thought I wanted a teething toy, but I have since discovered that Human Mommy’s fingers do the job just fine.
Could I request a can or two or three or baker’s dozen of tuna instead?
–Luna
Daily Feline and Canine Wisdom 