Uh oh! This cardboard box I launched myself into is much too narrow and too deep. I’m stuck.
HELP!
I’ll save you, Luna! What do you want me to do? Topple your box prison, gnaw through the cardboard or a combination of both?
–Luna and Cosmo
They grow up too fast…
Woofies grow up too fast. That is why it is essential to train them when they are relatively small, preferably smaller than you, in order to instill a proper respect for Cats in them.
In the Woofies’ imagination, I will always be a Lion.
–Quicksilver
Big Enough
The Woofies are big enough, Humans, bigger than enough, too big, really, more equine than canine.
They’ve obviously had enough to eat. Why do you keep buying them more cans of wet food?
For the Love of Cat, how big do you want them to get?! Clydesdale-size??!!
–Darth Vader
Lovebugs
Sometimes Humans say nonsensical things. For example, Human Mommy just called us a pair of lovebugs. We understand “pair” and we understand “love,” but what about us is bug-like?
–Cosmo and Stella
Well, for one thing, Woofies, you “bug” me all the time, especially you, Cosmo, especially you.
–Luna
Happy Father’s Day
Happy Father’s Day, Human Daddy!
You’re the best Daddy ever!
You’re just as much fun as the day we met.
–Cosmo
Smother
What do you mean, Human Mommy, that I must get out of this fun, crinkly plastic bag RIGHT NOW lest it smother me?
Did you ever think that you might be the one smothering me with your killjoy, rigid rules?
–Luna
Stalk
Heading out on the town this fine Friday evening?
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don’t walk.
Stalk.
–Phelps
Adorable
Bet you wish you could tuck your front paws so adorably, Humans!
Well, you can’t. Your phsyionomy doesn’t permit it and, even if it did, you need to be covered in silky, feline fur for this position to work.
Feel free to console yourselves by drinking in my adorableness.
–Luna
Bachelor Pad
Choose your bachelor pad wisely. If you like a bit of action, don’t move too far out to the country–youthful Kittens will keep you young.
On the other paw, be sure that your pad is protected from the hurly-burly of the youngsters’ catnip-fueled disputes. Kittens may do fine with a mere 18 hours of sleep daily, but you require a minimum of 20 hours.
Most importantly, make sure that your pad is in close proximity to the best place in the house, i.e. the kitchen.
–Charlie
Tuesday
What’s that, Humans? Tuesday, you say?
If I didn’t wake up for Monday, what makes you think that Tuesday will be any different?
Now go away. Try back on Hump Day.
Or, let’s be honest here, try back on Friday afternoon in time for happy hour.
Those Meowgaritas are not going to drink themselves, after all.
–Lily
Daily Feline Wisdom 