Playing around in your yard is fun and all, but nothing beats a good run in the Puppy Park on your new titanium knee.
–Stella
SmolderÂ
It’s one thing to be hot.
It’s another thing entirely to smolder.
–Darth Vader
Uh-oh
What’s that, Human Mommy? This fine box is the same box that the Woofies’ canned food came in?
You don’t suppose they’ll get confused and think that I’m yummy, too, do you?
Uh-oh…
–Luna
Training Routine
Have you hit a performance plateau in your favorite sports of Fetch, Tug-of-War, Frisbee, Wrestling and Squirrel Chase?
You haven’t necessarily peaked–it may just be time to switch up your training routine.
Jump on your Humans’ treadmill or elliptical or stationary bike and crank it up.
Don’t worry–you won’t get in trouble. It’s not like your Humans actually use their home gym.
–Cosmo
Second Chances
What do you mean we’re out of treats?
You’re fired!
What are you doing with your opposable thumbs? Are you opening cans of stinky, gravy, meaty goodness out of guilt?
We may have jumped the gun. We love you, Humans, especially your thumbs.
You may stay on, on probation.
–Charlie, Luna, Lily and Amber
SunbathingÂ
Wise Woofies know never to disrupt sunbathing Cats.
–Quicksilver
Always WatchingÂ
No matter where you are, no matter what you do, we Cats are always watching.
–Luna and Lily
Happy Mother’s Day!
Happy Mother’s Day! Give your Human Mommy a good lap cuddle and bring her some thoughtful gifts, such as a nearly dead mousie or a freshly upchucked hairball.
We love you, Human Mommy.
–Luna et al
Unrequited Love
It’s hard when the stripey, gray object of your affection is out of reach.
She’s not physically out of reach, of course, as you could easily stretch out an enormous paw to caress her whiskers or, if you’re feeling bold, sit up on your hind paws and sink your great muzzle into her velvety flank to breath in a draught of kitten perfume.
“NO Cosmo! DOWN!” the Humans will cry.
“HISSSSSS!” your beloved will screech, while somehow simultaneously reminding you of the restraining order she has taken out against you in the most intimidatingly legalistic terms she can muster.
Who knows? You may even get a bloody nose. You’ll probably get a bloody nose. Kitten claws are sharp and you saw your dearest filing hers assiduously on the remains of the living room furniture just prior to claiming her current spot.
Sometimes it is best to love from afar.
–Cosmo
Own It
Want to own the street?
Stalk down the sidewalk like a Boss.
See that stripey Ginger behind me? He knows I own it.
Want to own a Human’s lap?
Easy, dig your claws in.
–Orzo, Guest Contributor
Daily Feline Wisdom 