What’s that, Human Mommy? You are abandoning us Cats over the holiday weekend?
No, no you are not. We do not allow it.
We hereby institute a travel ban.
–Luna
Not a Bed
What do you mean this basket of clean laundry is not a bed, Human Mommy?
It is quite lovely for a lie-down.
What’s that, Human Mommy, you want to know where the lint roller is?
How should I know?
–Luna
They grow up too fast…
Woofies grow up too fast. That is why it is essential to train them when they are relatively small, preferably smaller than you, in order to instill a proper respect for Cats in them.
In the Woofies’ imagination, I will always be a Lion.
–Quicksilver
Smother
What do you mean, Human Mommy, that I must get out of this fun, crinkly plastic bag RIGHT NOW lest it smother me?
Did you ever think that you might be the one smothering me with your killjoy, rigid rules?
–Luna
Bachelor Pad
Choose your bachelor pad wisely. If you like a bit of action, don’t move too far out to the country–youthful Kittens will keep you young.
On the other paw, be sure that your pad is protected from the hurly-burly of the youngsters’ catnip-fueled disputes. Kittens may do fine with a mere 18 hours of sleep daily, but you require a minimum of 20 hours.
Most importantly, make sure that your pad is in close proximity to the best place in the house, i.e. the kitchen.
–Charlie
Naps vs. Work
All naps are good, but some are better than others. For example, although I appreciate my mid-morning and mid-afternoon naps, my early afternoon nap is my favorite.
What’s that Humans? It’s Monday and you have to “work”? “Work” precludes naps, you say?
“Work” sounds dreadful.
–Luna
Treadmill Workouts
There’s more than one way to workout on a treadmill.
For example, you can use the console for a good stretch.
You can use the arms as a jungle gym to increase your strength and balance.
Don’t worry if you get tangled up now and again.
It takes time to master new fitness routines.
–Luna
Happy Mother’s Day!
Happy Mother’s Day! Give your Human Mommy a good lap cuddle and bring her some thoughtful gifts, such as a nearly dead mousie or a freshly upchucked hairball.
We love you, Human Mommy.
–Luna et al
Unrequited Love
It’s hard when the stripey, gray object of your affection is out of reach.
She’s not physically out of reach, of course, as you could easily stretch out an enormous paw to caress her whiskers or, if you’re feeling bold, sit up on your hind paws and sink your great muzzle into her velvety flank to breath in a draught of kitten perfume.
“NO Cosmo! DOWN!” the Humans will cry.
“HISSSSSS!” your beloved will screech, while somehow simultaneously reminding you of the restraining order she has taken out against you in the most intimidatingly legalistic terms she can muster.
Who knows? You may even get a bloody nose. You’ll probably get a bloody nose. Kitten claws are sharp and you saw your dearest filing hers assiduously on the remains of the living room furniture just prior to claiming her current spot.
Sometimes it is best to love from afar.
–Cosmo
Severe Weather
I’m going to swat your face, Big Sis Lily!
Au contraire, Little One. Don’t you see my mighty paw bearing down on your head?
I will transform myself into a kitten-tornado, Big Sis.
And my tail will become a tsunami, Little One.
–Luna and Lily
Daily Feline Wisdom 