The trouble with gyms is that you can end up waiting a super long time to use your favorite equipment.
Don’t even think about starting a conversation or advising the pretty Kitty gym members on proper weight-lifting technique or the right way to face on the treadmill.
At best, you’ll get a laser-like glare. At worst, you’ll get a hiss, some truly un-ladylike words, and a couple of new painful scratches on your handsome Canine nose.
–Cosmo
No matter how warm the evening, never say “no” to a good Swedish Torch.
–Darth Vader
Last week, you told me that the basket of clean clothes is not a bed, Human Mommy.
This week, you’re telling me that the hamper full of dirty laundry is not a bed either.
Where’s a Kitten supposed to catch a good snooze around here?
–Luna
Yes, I realize you are right behind me, Human Mommy.
No, I will not acknowledge your presence.
No, you may not stroke me.
What did you expect?
You abandoned us for as many days as I have paws.
Cold Tail will continue at least until you have learned your lesson, groveled sufficiently, and paid us off with generous quantities of wet food (gravy-style, not pate), tuna (packed in water, not oil) and catnip (the fancy, organic kind, not the dessicated rotgut you pick up at the local supermarket.)
Then we’ll see.
–Darth Vader et al
What’s that, Human Mommy? You are abandoning us Cats over the holiday weekend?
No, no you are not. We do not allow it.
We hereby institute a travel ban.
–Luna
Won’t somebody play Frisbee or Tug or Frisbee-Tug with me, please?
PUH-LEEZE!
–Cosmo
Thank you, Humans, for installing this new couch in our private, members-only Cat club, sometimes erroneously referred to as a front porch.
What’s that, Humans? You want to sit on our couch?
No, you may not.
First, you are not members, membership is by invitation only and, even if we were to invite you, the club fees amount to more cans of tuna than you can afford.
Second, the only remaining cushion is reserved for our esteemed club member Quicksilver.
–Phelps and Darth
What do you mean this basket of clean laundry is not a bed, Human Mommy?
It is quite lovely for a lie-down.
What’s that, Human Mommy, you want to know where the lint roller is?
How should I know?
–Luna
Looking for the best seat in the house? Pick the Human with the softest lap.
–Darth Vader
Sometimes Humans say nonsensical things. For example, Human Mommy just called us a pair of lovebugs. We understand “pair” and we understand “love,” but what about us is bug-like?
–Cosmo and Stella
Well, for one thing, Woofies, you “bug” me all the time, especially you, Cosmo, especially you.
–Luna
Daily Feline Wisdom 