You know, if you just licked yourselves clean like civilized creatures, you could avoid this shower nonsense, Humans.
What’s that? You want to stand under a cascade of water voluntarily?
I can’t watch this.
–Finnegan
Again
It’s happening again.
Why oh why is it happening again?!
–Darth Vader
I don’t mean to be overly sensitive, but sometimes I feel like Uncle Darth doesn’t enjoy our together time as much as I do.
–Xena
Monday?
Monday you say, Human Mommy?
Maybe for you but not for me.
I’ve decided to extend my Sunday afternoon snooze to next Friday Night Happy Hour.
–Lily
Ladies who Lunch
Ladies who lunch?
Try Ladies who sniff and kiss.
Not that we don’t lunch–we totally do!
All that affection builds up our appetite.
–Stella and Xena
Shabby Chic Palace
Keep recycling, Humans! It’s good for the planet.
Don’t recycle my box, though. I’m reusing it.
It’s my shabby chic palace.
–Luna
New Year’s Resolution
What do you mean I’m not keeping up with my 2018 New Year’s Resolution?
I resolved to use the treadmill.
I never specified how I’d use it.
Now go away. You are messing with my napping…er…wellness program.
–Quicksilver
What Not to Wear
You weren’t planning on wearing this sweater today were you, Human Mommy?
Good, I didn’t think so.
–Cosmo
New Pantry
Has your Human Daddy built a new pantry from scratch to house your canned food, toys and ‘Nip?
It is most important to inventory your stockpile to make sure you have enough canned food.
Keeping an accurate count will also allow you to ascertain whether or not you have more cans than the Woofies.
We better have more cans than the Woofies. There are 7 of us and only 3 of them.
–Luna
Puppy
I sense a Baby Woofie behind me.
I hope I’m wrong.
–Darth Vader
You’re not wrong, Uncle Darth! I’m right here!
Wanna play chase after I polish off my bully ring?
–Xena
Demerits
Yet again you have failed to make our bed, Human Mommy.
That will be 5 demerits.
–Lily, Luna, Amber and Quicksilver
