“Age before beauty,” at least when it comes to the Drippy Faucet of Youth.
Unless you’re a Millennial Kitten. Then you’ll for sure try to cut in line.
–Lily and Charlie
I don’t want to be part of the narrative of waiting in line. Isn’t there an app where we can schedule our faucet time?
So I tried to cut. Sorry not sorry.
–Luna
My Cat Tree is great for cardio, for strength work, for claw-sharpening and for naps.
Maybe if your exercise equipment included napping options, you Humans would be more likely to use it.
Just saying…
–Luna
Loosened up by the Chardonnay, is your Friday night date going on and on and on and on about her stressful work week?
Has the inattentive waiter failed to bring your tunatini?
Don’t feel bad about yawning and then conking out.
Work makes for boring conversations.
–Quicksilver
Stay above politics. It’s the only safe, sensible place to be.
–Luna
Sure, exercise is good for you but overexertion is dangerous.
Pace yourself.
–Lily
You Humans do a spring cleaning of the house and yard.
We Cats perform an equally thorough spring grooming of our glossy fur.
–Darth Vader and Phelps
Seriously, Humans, you’re holding up your cellphones and making kissy-kissy noises at me to get me to pose.
Don’t you see that I’m busy procuring breakfast…er…birdwatching?
–Darth Vader
When you are taking your daily inventory of the foodstuffs, do your Humans tell you to get out of the refrigerator because “Kittens are best at room temperature?”
That’s a terrible, offensive joke, meriting many hisses.
As a pragmatist, though, you may do better to direct your Humans’ attention to the unopened pack of Canadian Bacon on the shelf above your right ear.
–Luna
Sometimes it feels like no one listens to you.
For example, if I had even a pinch of catnip for every time I told Human Mommy that cups belong on the top rack of the dishwasher, I’d have a such a nice buzz that I might even stop fretting over the rinse cycle.
–Quicksilver
Humans do not, we repeat do NOT dress up your Cats.
We do not like that, we would hate that, we might never forgive you.
Like NEVER EVER not even for a million cans of tuna would we forgive you.
Feel free to dress up like us though. You won’t look as good as us, of course, but we’ll appreciate your effort and only mock you behind your back because, really, who are you kidding trying to look like a Cat?
Only Cats can do Cat.
–Lily
Daily Feline Wisdom 